Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Secret Life of Dog Moms - A Scooter story

Abby Lab here telling a little "tail" about my Mom.

Mom's parents were both in law enforcement (her Mom was the Deputy Sheriff) and after being a professional pilot for both civilian folks and the government for a while, Mom entered that field when she finished her PEE-H-Dee. She said she's never done anything super exciting like on TV, said she's get sent home if she dressed like some of the female agents on the telly, and the biggest danger she usually faces is the candy machine in the lunchroom. However, she is trained in the use of a firearm in case she doesn't have an electron microscope to lob at someone's head. When she was new at it, she said she'd could likely hit a target IF attacked by a finback whale. But with practice at the local conservation club and the Law Enforcement Officer range, she got better.

She's mentioned doing her proficiency shooting, when the mail came that day.  Boy did her mood change. You see, Mom got an AARP card in the mail,  with another envelope from the Scooter Store (with FREE mobility assessment).  Mom said "they think I need a scooter!  I'm only 57! Her parents belonged to AARP and Mom said they were a fine organization but that was for OLD people.

I didn't want to be the one to remind her - but although people thinks she looks much younger, and she continued hiking, biking, and rappelling into her 50's, the theme for her high school prom was "FIRE". Just saying.
Mom did use a scooter once, in 2012 when she tore her minscus busting a move walking Barkley fighting ninjas, after the endoscopic surgery to clear out what couldn't be fixed.

Dad. who was her boyfriend at the time, went with her and at the WalMart - she got her first try with a motorized cart. Speed wise it was a fair it less than the INDY 500 and more than a snail on demoral. But Mom was not only able to do a cookie in the chicken aisle, she found that the displays in electronic made for great S patterns at top speed. She also disovered that big guys in Harley Davidson jackets with carts containing 200 bags of Tater Tots can move surprisingly fast when faced with a flaming redhead converging at top scooter speed.
She said that dealing with the crutches and the scooter was the hardest part. She  tried holding them up, but that made it hard to work the controls. She put one one out front. Jousting - WalMart Style. (if you can knock a Billy Bass out of someone's cart with it, it's bonus points). She finally gave in and let Dad carry them while she tried to burn rubber doing .02 mph watching out carefully for the Manager.

She admires anyone that can deal with using one of those on a regular basis and was so happy to give it up, working hard to get through the physical therapy.

So she was NONE too happy about the scooter advertisement and off she went to the range.
The snow melted off but boy , Mom said it was COLD.
First, a test shot from 50 feet.  I would make a comment about blind squirrels and acorns but I do want to get a treat tonight.

Then. . 
Then there's that membership card.
That's my Mom - putting the "O" in mobility.

14 comments:

  1. Oh gosh mom is laughing and laughing...she can relate. stella rose

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  2. OMD OMD WE were Laughing and so MOM came to see what was so funny... and NOW she has TEARS Rolling down her Legs... the more we three Read... the MORE we Laughed... or Cried down our Legs (as in mom's case).
    OMD this is a Blogville CLASSIC fur SURE...
    OMD OMD OMD we have a mental image of the Big Guy in the Harley Jacket... with the 200# of Tater Tots... RUNNING as your mom went GUNNING down the aisle after him... and Speaking of GUNNING.... your mom could put Annie Oakley to shame!!

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  3. Abby... we gotta tell you that your mom has a ....
    Wickedly
    Wonderful
    Way
    With
    Words!!!!!!!!!

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  4. Sounds like your Mama and our Mama are in that same river in Egypt, Abby!
    BOL!!
    Smileys!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

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  5. Our ghostwriter tried driving around in an electric wheelchair and found she's terrible at it! She thinks she'd be equally bad in one of those shopping cart thingies, so hat's off to your Mom! However, getting run over by little old ladies in wheelchairs of all types is an occupational hazard she faces every day. Nurses really should wear steel-toed shoes!

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  6. OMD thats funny.
    My mom got an AARP card now she get email everyday from them.
    xo Cinnamon

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  7. Hari OM
    Yup, am in that bracket too, Abby... only the OZ-gov didn't offer me mobility assessment (which I would fail miserable anyhoo), but sent me a bowel testing kit.

    Then recalled them cuz they had a fault which meant all in my 'intake' proved pawsitive to the Big C - and actually no one was!!! What were they trying to do? Frighten us to death so as to avoid the expense of all those scooters out and about on the streets of Sydney??!!!

    Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

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  8. that's a super post, we laughed a lot, your mom wrote it brilliant :o)

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  9. LOL! I see some of those mailings now too... being only a wee bit(less than a dog year) younger than your mom, Abby. It's funny, sometimes I do FEEL my age, but I never THINK my age!

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  10. BOL!! I love your momma's solution.

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  11. BOL! Your mom shot the heck out of the whole idea of getting old! Our mom loves that! BTW, one time mom was at Walmart and heard a lady yelling "Dad stop! Dad stop!" The dad was not quite stopped when he crashed into mom. Thankfully is was a glance off the side and mom was not hurt and the dad finally did stop.

    Keep Calm & Bark On!

    Murphy & Stanley

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  12. Now our mom wishes she had a gun to use on her AARP mailings. They are relentless.

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  13. that is very impressive shooting skills! Grandma gets 87 thousand ads for hearing aids. Grandma hears fine. Guess those hearing aid ads are gonna be going up next on your shooting range.

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Welcome to The Book of Barkley. This blog was created for more memories of Barkley as well as updates on Abby the Senior rescue Lab,who we adopted in 2014.

Stop in and say hello. 100% of book sales are donated to animal rescue organizations across the U.S. and Canada and Search Dog Foundation. If you have a non-profit animal organization and would like autographed copies of the book for fundraisers or a blog post featuring your organization please contact me at cliodna58@gmail.com