Wednesday, March 30, 2016

That Show Should be a Crime

Mom!  Mom!  Animal Planet is on!

I watch very little TV, some Discovery Channel,  Mythbusters, Top Gear, Firefly, Castle, Dr. Who, Corner Gas, all on tape as I don't have a TV or cable (getting cheap tapes and watching on the big computer monitor is a lot cheaper than a flat screen and cable).  Mostly I'll join Abby the lab on the couch and watch an action movie with my husband and have fun making fun of some of the technology-

Because I'm the second generation in a law enforcement field, the weapons in the shows ARE fair game and my husband just sits there quietly and chuckles as I pick apart the errors.

Picture the scene, a Sniper setting up on a hill to take out his target.

"The Gun is totally disassembled?"

"The scope is completely off of it, WT. . . ."

"No Free Floating Barrel?"

9 MM. " 9 MM?????"

Then, later on, towards the end.

"Why do all the bad guy guards have short barrelled AR15's? They're going to make so much noise that every cop in the county will be here to arrest all the now deaf people".

"Oh come on! M203 doesn't work that way!!"
There's probably a reason guys, including my husband, never took me to the theater while dating . I almost got thrown out at the last one when a gal friend took me to Twilight and every time the bad CGI werewolves in wolf form talked like humans I'd exclaim like the dog in the Bush Bean commercial  "Roll that Beautiful Bean Footage!

But with the Ph.D., I also have to make fun of the science in the shows.  So once in a while I just can't resist and  I will watch some CSI type shows on tape when my husband is on the road.

It's more entertaining than most of the TV shows out there now, so removed from actual reality that they hardly bear watching. The original CSI Vegas though I actually liked, shelving most of the science and just watching the interactions between the characters which were well acted and crafted. But the spin offs were sometimes painful to watch..

Opening Scene -Young party girl in the New York subway has her face suddenly start to melt while vomiting blood.

In the distant city, Mac the steely eyed investigator, to his date: "sorry" (damn, my beeper went off at the opera. . . AGAIN).

Here comes the CSI Team, back from their night on the town, arriving in terribly expensive fashion wear, from their homes or dates, with all the traffic, in minutes.

Mac (entering the scene with no gloves, no mask, no eye protection, as he bends closely over someone that looks like a sleeping supermodel, except with lots of blood splashed on her and the melted face.

"Detective Angel, What have we got ?"

Detective Angel, (Victoria's Secret Model in tight pants and a skin tight low cut sparkly t-shirt under her suit jacket) "Looks like a Chemical or a Biological ! ! "

Female CSI assigned to the scene: "Oh Happy Birthday Mac!" (giggle, giggle, blush stare at ground, forget to work the scene)

Mac smiles and pokes closely at the body again, steely eyes glinting since he's not wearing any eye protection.

Mac: looking closely:" hmmm. . . doesn't look like small pox or anthrax"

(Time to look a little closer and poke in the blood spatter to make sure it's not something you can GET from exposure to blood spatter)
From XKCD - click to enlarge

Dr. H.: "No pruritic macular or papular rash" (Good thing, as that might be Ebola or Cutaneous Anthrax, which means you're standing in the minefield.)

Mac: "So no hemorrhagic fever!" ( Wow Mac, you diagnosed with just that steely glance. You didn't even have to isolate the virus from the patients blood and have acute serum samples inoculated into tissue cultures of mosquito cells or directly into live Toxorhynchites or Aedes mosquitoes or try a Immunodiagnostic method such as detection of anti-dengue IgM and IgG by enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA) and detection of hemagglutination inhibition antibody. Good job Mac, you'll have this solved before the hour is up!)

Pretty girl in a $700 outfit playing with something that I swear is an Etch a Sketch: "It's OK now! This subway tested negative for all hazmat and biologicals!"

Mac: " great!"

Watching any more would have made me laugh so hard I'd spill my beer. Besides they'll have their DNA evidence in oh, like 10 minutes.
Forensic Science Dog will hold the deaded pose until you get the chalk outline drawn.

TV is fantasy, what remains of a life is seldom so pretty. If you don't suit up properly, to protect yourself from elements, the terrain, or a hoard of nasty biologicals, you will likely join them on the next table. But then again the TV scientists never discovered that if you have a linoleum floor, some chalk, and liquid nitrogen you can make little hovercraft. . .


  1. Sometimes we need to disengage our brains or else watching TV is just too painful. After mom took her class on 4th ammendment she had to stop watching cop shows. We love the forensic science dog BOL!

    Keep Calm and Bark On!

    Murphy and Stanley

    1. I have started watching Castle and really enjoy that show. Abby just likes being on the futon in the office between us.

  2. DARN ABBY, NOW our mom won't have anythingy to watch on TV.. other than BBTheory. Maybe she will Play with US more... or Brush us... since she is gonna have a LOT of DOWN time to deal with... BaaaaaWaaaah.

    1. Yes, after the BAFF, I think you are going to need some brushing.

  3. SHE's one of you.... doesn't watch much Telly, no cable. Huge DVD library. (Loves Corner Gas)watches mostly history docos or murder mysteries. Love the dog holding pose.

    1. Corner Grass is Great - and we loved the movie that came out (last year?). You'd be surprised how many folks drove from Illinois and Wisconsin up into Canada to watch the film.

  4. Momma can't watch those shows either, since she's a prosecutor and CRINGES at the courtroom scenes! She does like Criminal Minds, but as you said, for the characters rather than the crime solving!

    By the way, I let my LBR buddies know about your kind offer about donating proceeds to Blanketing Boxers with Love. They're all super excited!

    1. If you or they have a facebook I can tag in my post, let me know (email is I have a pretty large facebook following of extended family and work and author friends, but it's not open to the public.

    2. I don't have a FB, but Blanketing Boxers and LBR both do!

  5. Hahahaha. I feel the SAME way when I watch any legal shows. That's why I refuse to watch them! Nope! It just annoys me too much.
    Except Daredevil because Marvel. ;)

  6. I have issues with some shows, some things I can let go and others I can't. Depends on my mood. I am not forgiving the Jurassic Park movie for misrepresenting clicker training . . . . .

    1. What were they THINKING? Clickers are actually meant to be clicked once for a specific behavior, followed immediately by a reward, and not from such a far or high up distance and NOT clicking like you are doing an Irish River Dance with your clicker. Survey says (insert US TV Show Family Feud buzzer here) WRONG.

  7. Yeah, my momma can't watch any of da legal shows - dey are just too ridiculous. And it seems like most movies set at any college were filmed at her college, so she's always interrupting wif da real names of da buildings.

  8. The detective lead on an otherwise enjoyable TV show stated that the hole in the victim was too large to be caused by the .357 near the body, and must have been caused by a 9 MM. My wife was then subjected to a lecture on metric versus inch sizes, and a short talk on muzzle energy.
    And also Caruso's habit of putting his hands on his hips during the dramatic taking off of the sunglasses.

  9. Hey Abby!
    Wow, love that last pix of you! BOL. Yup, my Dad has the same problem with these shows. Can't watch them for all of the rediculously wrong things that happen. Drives Mom crazy too. However, the peeps have been binge watching 24 lately. Never saw it before. It has some far fetched (hey FETCH! BOL) moments, but even Dad goes along with most of it.
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, Police Commish

  10. Ghostwriter here. My husband hates it when I pick apart the show he's watching too. He turns his hearing aid off! Fortunately we both know enough about medicine to see those kind of mistakes at the same time. The other day we were watching the news and they were talking about the drug misoprostol and showed a picture of the drug Lunesta. Big mistake! Big lawsuit if we ever confused the two in our old pharmacy! But I guess when you watch TV for entertainment sometimes you have to suspend your disbelief. But the acting better make up for it. (Love the picture of Abby playing dead!)

  11. I agree with you and I decided to stay away from such shows. After some minutes I prefer the same position like Abby :o) We get this shows translated and I often spent more time to watch the lipmovement what's totally out of sync with the dialog :o)

  12. Momma can't watch any of those shows. They make her twitch.

  13. I started when I was a kid, watching the old TV Westerns. Not everyone could ride very well, and in fact a few of the extras would almost come off every once in a while. The nice thing about Westerns was that when you shot someone, that someone would always oblige you by falling down dead. No muss, no fuss. Dead. Then I moved on to cop shows.

    The interrogation scenes were the worst. Why aren't they asking for a lawyer? I don't know, but in reality they really don't. Ditto with illegal searches.

    "Mind if we come to talk to you?"

    Nobody ever says, "Yes I mind. Stay outside."

    "We can get a warrant!"

    "Good. Go get one. Meantime, I'll just call my lawyer, turn on my video cam, and close the door."

    The CSI shows are the worst. Almost the worst. DNA evidence comes back in ten minutes, incredibly dangerous substances are handled without protective gear, the list is endless.

    The worst is Disney and animals. Dogs, cats, horses - especially horses. Somebody shoot me.


Welcome to The Book of Barkley and the Blogville dog blogging community. This blog was created for more memories of Barkley as well as updates on Abby the Senior rescue Lab, who we adopted in 2014.

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