Saturday, November 18, 2017

In Dog Beers I've Had Just One - Holiday Shopping

Grocery shopping in a snowstorm the weekend before Thanksgiving is never fun.  But with my husband being in charge of spiders, dead possums in the yard, and home repairs the grocery shopping is my weekly chore.  I HAVE learned some things, however.

500 carts in the store and I will get the one with the front wheel that pirouettes like a ballerina on crack.

I always make a list.  Sometimes I remember to bring it with me.

Always eat something before shopping.  I once went on an empty stomach and came home as the proud owner of Aisle 5.

You can go to the store for "just" milk, and spend $125.
Pork chop in homemade fig molasses with grist mill cornbread.  Forget the Kraft Dinner.

You know you need "me" time when a stroll down the detergent aisle feels like a spa day.

My husband once asked me to pick up some oil  There were like 87 different kinds.  I now know what men feel like in the tampon aisle.

If someone is standing directly in front of the item I need I will pretend to look for something else until they move.

I once lost my Mom in the store.  I was 51.  They gave me a balloon and paged her.

I do not object to telling the millennial who has 37 items in the Express Aisle "that I know all the lyrics to FROZEN and I am NOT afraid to use them".

I have, on more than one occasion of many years, turned the Betty Crocker Upside Down Cake box in the aisle - upside down.

I realize that I get excited that I can now buy the unhealthy cereal my Mom usually didn't let us have.

Someday they will say about me "she died doing what she loved, carrying 87 plastic bags of groceries from the car to the house, rather than make 2 trips.".

That being said - happy to have survived and made it home for a cold one.

And a frozen pizza - as I was tired out from all the shopping.

12 comments:

  1. A very funny blog. Writing funny is the hardest thing to do. I thought your best line was "I once lost my Mom in the store. I was 51. They gave me a balloon and paged her."

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    1. It was my stepmom of 30 years actually. She was about 5 feet tall and was wearing a pink leather coat, so that was what I was looking for. Apparently, she took the coat off, rendering her invisible among taller shoppers. She got quite the laugh about the page.

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  2. So very true. Mom says it is always a good idea to hit Sam's Club or Costco at lunchtime because you can really fill up if you make the rounds of the sample carts:)

    Mom just finished The Book of Barkley and truly enjoyed it through the tears and the smiles.

    Woos – Lightning, Misty, and Timber

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    1. Thank you! If you like my second book (parallels the Barkley one) about human and pet adoption "Saving Grace - A Story of Adoption" - send me your mailing address in a "do not post!" comment and I'll autograph one and mail it. I'm so glad you liked it!

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  3. Grocery shopping is one of my favourite things to do. I ask people to move.

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  4. HER mother passed on the term 'lazy-man's load'. Carry everything so you don't have to make another trip... SHE shops at 7 a.m. BEFORE the shop gets crowded. Completely identifies with your grocery woes.

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  5. We once (or twice...) have been known to put a bottle of “Colon Cleaner” brand hot sauce in someone else’s cart when they go into the washroom.

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  6. As someone who is 5'2" I often have to search the aisle for a tall person to pluck an item from the top shelf for me. Why is it that half of the things I buy are always on the top shelf? If there isn't one right in the front I can't reach it.

    I used to hate shopping until I retired. Now I'm very rarely in a hurry and just take my time winding through the store. I do politely say "excuse me" if I need to get something from a shelf while they are standing in front of whatever I need especially if they don't look like they will move on soon or are chatting to someone.

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  7. Our mom went grocery shopping this past week and forgot her coupons and her grocery list!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  8. we are probably twins... I always have the cart with a damaged wheel... or the one where things are on the handle I don't want to describe... yay for the inventor of hand sanitgizers ;o)

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  9. BOL! LOL! Ghostwriter hates it when people stop in the middle of the grocery aisle for a prolonged conversation with a long lost friend, and no one else can get by them.

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  10. Momma is definitely like you with carrying all 87 bags at once!!

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Welcome to The Book of Barkley and the Blogville dog blogging community. This blog was created for more memories of Barkley as well as updates on Abby the Senior rescue Lab, who we adopted in 2014.

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