Monday, April 23, 2018

On Birthdays

Abby Lab here.  Mom is going to try and forget it (but for the cake) but she turns 60 this summer.

The picture above is a birthday cake Dad baked her for one of her last birthdays.  He was afraid of burning the house down with the correct amount of candles so he just used big plumbers candle.

Mom was born in the Chinese Year of the Dog, and so was Dad, but 24 years later.  When he had his birthday last month she said if he used the "old" word she would feed him McDonalds for a week.

She's actually in pretty good shape.  She started doing this military-style workout that involves weights, planks, squats, kickboxing and cursing in Norwegian.Dad's fine with how she looked before but she had this deep-seated fear of both elastic waist pants and being mistaken for a flying squirrel when wearing tank tops. .

But she does have her "moments".

So for Mom, who is feeling a little sluggish this Monday morning after a weekend that involved WAY too many party meatballs and wine, I'm sharing her thoughts on getting older.

1.   My goal for 2018 is to lose 10 pounds.  Only 15 to go.
2    I had a salad for dinner Satuday night!  Mostly croutons and tomatoes.  Really, just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce.  And cheese.  FINE, it was a pizza  I ate a pizza
3.   How to prepare a healthy dinner
  a.   Put the vegetables back in the fridge
  b.   Start frying the bacon

4.    I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into in a spider web.
5.    I tried the Weight Watchers diet. I did great and ate exactly my 24 points.  The only problem was it was only 10 am in the morning.
6.    A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
7.    Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8.    Remember back when we were kids and every time there was a foot of snow they would cancel school. Nah, me either.
9.    I may not be that athletic or funny or beautiful or talented.  I forgot where I was going with this.
10.  I'll love being 60.  I'll learn something new every day from the stuff I forgot.

11.  My parties don't wake up the dog, let alone the neighbors.
12.  I've pulled a muscle putting on a sock
13.  Phone calls after 9 p.m. upset me
12.  People call me spry and I'm not offended.
13.  I don't have hot flashes.  I have short, private vacations to the tropics
14.  I was finally asked to appear topless on film - time for the mammogram!
15.  I'm becoming more reflective as I get older.  I ask myself - what is life? - what is happines?  How many pints of Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
16.  I can sell my childhood toys on eBay for a small fortune.
17.   I've learned there is absolutely no good reason to act your age.
18.   I'm still younger than Mick Jagger


  1. Thanks for the laughs today. Mom says to tell yours not to sweat, she has 9 years on yours, and it is all good:)

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

  2. Rotfl! And happy upcoming birthday!

  3. BOL!!! OMD, Ma did the 'spider web dance' last week! I thought she was having a seizure! Oh, and Ma had to walk 10 FEET to change the TeeVee channels with pliers! (hey, there was only three channels anyways....). Oh, and Ma got a cramp turning over in bed ☺
    I hopes your Moms is gonna blast some good ole' Rock and Roll for her Burthday, and wake up the whole block!
    Ruby ♥
    pees: does she wants me to bring the margarita truck????

  4. love that cake... but the candle would not work for us... we prefer battery operated lights... for a reason LOL

  5. 17 is absolutely true! Aging is inevitable, but growing up is optional!

  6. Ghostwriter says her age and experience qualify her as an official battle ax! Dad's age and experience qualify him as an old fart!

  7. Tell Mom to take comfort in the fact that my Mom is 62........she will be 63 this year. So, your Mom is younger. That being said, 60 was my Mom's most unfavorite beats the alternative. Remember, "you are as young as you feel!" DakotasDen

  8. Bwahaha...your mom and I have the same weight loss goal.

  9. Oh my COD, that was soooooo funny especially since 60 is still very young. I am just about old enough to be your Mother and feel all that pain that you are talking about so enjoy 60. You did make me laugh big time. Enjoy yourself.

  10. What's funniest is it's all so true! And you are probably one of the best fit almost 60 year olds in the U.S. so don't sweat it. Or do sweat it while you exercise, or... you know what I mean. :)


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