Black and White Sunday

I love my Dad.  Thank you for my furever home.  Abby Lab

This is a Blog Hop - hosted by Nola and Sugar

Summer Days - Girls, Grills and Abby the Land-Locked Labrador.

It's grilling season again.  The trusty charcoal grill is out under the Spruce trees and there is ground beef from our local Polish grocery store (with butcher!) to form into perfect patties.

Sure, that crockpot of ribs the other weekend was great, but it's time to barbecue:

  

First, there was a little cleaning up in the garage as the barbecue was brought out of hibernation.

What Scrapple is Made From (explains the chewiness).

But then it was time to light off the coals.  I like a charcoal grill, an old one, just like my Dad used.  I even have a little one for the Crash pad that a friend in Texas sent me.  Gas/Propane have no thrill.  You turn a switch, you turn it off. A Charcoal grill compared to one of those is like comparing a radial engine to a jet engine.

Like a grill, it's easy to teach someone to start a jet engine, anyone with two fingers can do it.  You just need to move a switch from "OFF" to "START" and them remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. Sometimes you don't even do that, as it's spring-loaded back to ON.

To start a round engine you need two hands that can move like a hummingbird on crack. The right hand for the primer, energize and engage switches, the left hand being busy with the throttle, magneto then back to the throttle to control the starting RPM and then for the mixture and. . . .

Even being ambidextrous and nimble isn't enough start a round engine, you seduce it into motion, which requires skill, finesse, patience, a gentle touch and a fair bit if style. Failing that there is curse words. If that fails there is meditation and celibacy.

Why?  For starters (pun intended) there is no computer controlling the fuel/air mixture. If the mixture is too rich you'll end up with parts of the engine that look like wet charcoal briquettes and then it's NEVER going to start. If it's too lean it won't start.  Some of  the pilots would say the mixture is like being married, giving you new ways every day you can be wrong.

Jet engines start by whining a little, then give a delicate girly little "poof"and start whining a wee bit louder. Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big manly BELCH, followed by the explosive resonance of  a mechanical FART, more clicks, a bunch of smoke and finally, the serious perfection of low pitched roar. It's the sound that machines should make.

So yeah, I use an old fashioned barbecue.

First - let's get the meat ready. There are some easy steps to get a burger that's bun sized AND juicy.

You want to start with a meat mixture that is not too lean. Venison is healthy and tasty prepared properly, but for the perfect grilling burger I prefer beef. The most flavorful and juicy burgers are not the low fat versions, but simple 80% lean beef.   If you have a butcher that will grind the meat (or grind your own), ask them to grind it using a a coarser grind than the pre-packaged stuff. It's not as dense and it feels juicier, with that slightly crisp on the outside feel in your mouth.

Seasoning - Simple salt and pepper is always good, however. . . .

the Johnson household  hamburger  seasoning is pretty  basic but gives the meat a nice smoky flavor that's a bit spicy, but not too much, or too sweet, like some hamburger sauces.

1 and 1/4 pound ground meat
1 and 1/2 teaspoons smoked paprika
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon sea salt (to taste)
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/8 teaspoon  molasses
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (NOT garlic salt)
1/2 teaspoon onion powder or a small chunk of chopped fresh onion.
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
a small splash of Worcestershire sauce, just enough to moisten and hold the meat together

Good topped with cheese and lettuce, or perhaps Tequila Lime coleslaw with some baked beans

You want to handle the meat as little as possible. The more you squish it around getting the spices blended, the denser your patty will be.  Premix the seasonings together, THEN mix with a spoon. If you've defrosted the meat and it's "wet", add a couple teaspoons of bread crumbs (my brother's favorite tip for defrosted meat that was "wet" was to add a packet of  instant maple oatmeal to a pound or a pound and a half of meat, something I never knew for years and his burgers were great!)  If it's a leaner cut, or venison, add a little liquid - olive oil, Worcestershire sauce, BACON FAT (subliminal message), or balsamic, etc.

Let meat sit at room temperature about 30 minutes (but not much more than that).  Why?  Have you ever watched or participated in one of those "Polar Bear" meets where normally sane people jump into freezing cold winter water en masse like demented lemmings? (OK, once, it involved a pool on New Years, a bunch of  pilots, martinis, and it was California so it wasn't exactly FREEZING winter water)

That's a shock to the system.  It's the same if you put your nice burger from the cold fridge onto the hot grill.  You'll just end up with a tough burger.

Yes, my patties look like blood cells. When hamburgers cook, the middle tends to plump up. That makes the toppings slide off and make the burgers shrink. You've seen it, you start out with a nice big patty and when it's done it's half the size of the bun. Burgers WILL reduce as they cook, especially the 80% lean, but the "dent" helps a bit. Make the patty about 15 - 20% wider than the bun, Make the dent about as half as deep as it is wide in in the otherwise "sort of" uniformly sized patty.  While the meet rested - time to introduce Abby to the little wading pool we found at the end of season last summer.  Barkley LOVED the water and would splash in one for hours


Abby wanted nothing to do with it.

Crickey!  Look at the bottom,  there's alligators in there!

No, I'm NOT going in

"Back to my couch!"

Well, it appears we have the world's first lab that doesn't like the water.

OK, -  now it's time to get your grill ready. I like to use a "chimney" to get some hot coals going.  The chimney generates a strong updraft that quickly turns briquettes into hot coals.  It was pretty simple. Put 3 pieces of newspaper in the bottom, pile the coals on top, light the paper, wait 15 minutes. Look down in there, they should be JUST about ready. At 18- 20 minutes, dump them out and you've got hot coals.

Don't have one?  Make one!"

What materials are on hand.  Hmmm.  Cardboard box?  That would be a no?  Styrofoam?  Also a no.  Fruitcake?  The fruitcake itself would never burn, but I'm afraid of a chemical reaction between brandy infused cherries and Coleman fuel. (likely the source of the original  "cherry bomb") So no.

How about some 16 inch non-galvanized duct work?  To the Bat Shop! To speed up combustion, you can use a hammer and a large to punch vent holes in the bottom 2 to 3 inches of the pipe. (You may need to brace the inside of the pipe with a chunk of wood as you punch these holes.)

Even without vent holes, it will still work  Crumple 2-3  of sheets of clean newspaper in the bottom, leaving a few edges sticking up where you can get a match to them. Fill almost to the top with charcoal. Add just a dash of lighter fluid to a few of the briquettes.  Do not soak them with it, the newspaper and the chimney will do the work.

Now step back and wait several minutes.  Fire Marshall Bill says so.  You don't want vapors on you or in the immediate area when you light it off. 

After a few minutes have gone by, light the paper, stepping immediately away, and wait for combustion..

 Light Off !

When you see white ash on the coals near the top. It's ready to pour out onto the grill

Wait, there's no handle on this thing! 

 Fortunately for us, we have the Johnson Universal Pot Handle Tool ™

Set the chimney on something non combustible, and away from children, stupid friends or relatives or pets as, it will stay HOT for a while. 

Now that the coals are hot and spread around, it's time to cook. 

Cook the patties "dent" side up first. Once those burgers are on the grill, don't press down on it as they cook. It won't cook faster, it'll just dry out quicker. Try and only flip it once.

Use a meat thermometer to determine doneness,  Some meat will stay pink in the center even when they're hot enough, and fattier cuts can brown before they're fully cooked. Stick the thermometer in the thickest part, it's done when it reaches 165 F.

Have some napkins handy, for these are some juicy burgers.

 Hey - that's not a hamburger!

BUT DO NOT FORGET THE LAWS OF BOTH AERODYNAMICS AND  PHYSICS.  If you bend over to set something down, beer will spill.

Husband - "What happened".
Me - "Immutable Laws of Physics"
Husband- "That's alcohol abuse you know."

We paused for a moment of silence.

Thankful Thursday

So many things to be thankful for.  First a package in the mail.

From the Animal Rescue Site (like them on Facebook) which sells some really cute pet items with the sales going to provide food and care for rescued animals.

Mom loved this warm fuzzy blanket which makes a great lightweight bedspread for summer and will also be great in the winter paired with a comforter.  It's also been recently "lab tested" and is guaranteed soft.

On top of Mom's dresser - thankful memories. Mom's brother always got her cute little M and M stuff (started when they were kids) and Dad continues the tradition.  The medal is a fencing medal a friends daughter, the only girl on a college men's fencing (saber) gave Mom as a thank you for supporting her, Mom's brothers porch notepad from his last days before he joined Barkley at the Bridge.  And of course some fun little things Dad gives her to make her smile. All small bits of thankfulness.

Then - ANOTHER package arrived. From City at Cindy's Thread Craft (Custom Embroidered purses, toes and pet products).  Her address is:

www.etsy.comshop/CindysThreadCraft

to see all the wonderful, custom things she can make for both you and your pet.
What a cute squeeky dog toy -  and so well made and my favorite color!

  I can't read.  Is it for me?

It's the world's biggest Cheeto!

Squeek Squeek Squeek Squeek Squeek Squeek Squeek Squeek  Squeek Squeek Squeek (why is Mom eyeing the bottle of Scotch?)


I LOVE IT!  Thank you Cindy for adding this lovely toy to Marg's Auction.  For this Thankful Thursday we are just blessed to have so many friends who love and give to help animals and each other.  It just warms the heart.

And burgers on Pretzel Buns  help. 

Dad - you didn't bring mine in from the grill?

Abby Lab

Working Wednesday - Alien Invasion

Officer Abby here - like Sarge, reporting with what's happening in Blogville for we "working dogs".

Having just graduated from the Paw-lice academy (that's me on the upper right) I was ready for a special assignment.  But the phone lay silent.

However, this Fastnacht (German doughnut Mom made out of mashed potatoes, lard,, flour and cardamon) looked suspicious and I took it in for questioning while I made my rounds (but it's SQUARE?) of the community.

My walkies- talky just went off.  What's that?  Something suspicious over at Old Mrs. Johnson's place.

SIRENNNNNNN

Hey that's MY house. . oh uh - better not tell anyone I said Mom was old (even though her prom theme was "fire"),  There's something sinister in the air - it's so very quiet and still in the area - not even the squirrels are out.

What's this?

This wasn't here when Mom left for work a few days ago, and those gutters were clean of all dirt and gunk earlier this year

It's ALIVE!

But it's not just our house. . .it's ALL the houses.  The whole Village is infested.

Maybe it was spores from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

 And they've taken a captive of one of the locals!

Look - the alien airship getting away.

No, - Mom says that's an MD80.  We just usually don't see airplanes here unless there's a storm near the airport.  Scrap that line of investigation.

What possibly could it be.  What could have gotten in to ALL the gutters here near Maple Street.

Oh wait. . . I might be going out on a limb here but. . . 

Maple Helicopters - if there are tons on the ground there are tons in the gutter and with two weeks of warmth and constant rain . they sprouted!  Sarge will be so happy I cracked the case!

It's just Maple Sprouts infecting the neighborhood - not an invasion from Space.

My work here is done.

A Style Disaster - or how I ended up as a Character on Star Trek

Seriously Mom - you're wearing THAT?

Abby can probably attest by some of my early morning outfits - I seemed to have missed the fashion gene. I will never be pictured in one of those ladies glamour magazines except those old "do and don't" columns where they'd take photos of people off the street dressed improperly with a black square over their eyes to try and hide their identity - "Here's another woman that just does NOT know Ninja purses do NOT go with camo pants after Labor Day".

But then again, given my line of work and lack of shopping sense my closet looks something like this.

And yes, I do only own one dress (other than my wedding dress)  Bought one time to go to the symphony with a platonic guy friend dying of cancer who said he couldn't get a date, so my best friend and I, with our boyfriends blessing as they were friends with him too - got ALL dolled up and went with him, one of us on each arm. I hope that was a good memory for him (and that boyfriend is now Abby's Dad).

But one thing I will splurge on is a good haircut.  My hair is naturally curly, not tight curls, but still a lot of natural curl, very fine and lots of it.  On a good day, if I let it air dry,  and use a little styling product to make the curls stand out, it looks pretty good,  Other days, it looks like my head was attacked by a raccoon.  So for professional mode, I subdue the curl with a blow dryer and normally wear it up. 

Wanting something a little less boring , I decided to grow the bangs out.  That was fine until I ended up in the middle of something, dressed in gear that was supposed to keep my hair tucked away.  Except the bangs kept escaping.  Just long enough to cover my eyes.  Not long enough to stay under wraps.  I have to avoid the whole getting hands near my eyes things to brush them away (Mr. Rogers will explain biohazards, kids) and was growing increasing frustrated.  Finally I asked for a knife.

A simple knife will work on rope, boxes, crime scene tape, why not bangs.

I chopped several inches off of them.  I could see again.  End of problem.

Until I got home. They were surprisingly even, having done it without a mirror.  They were also VERY short.

I looked like a Romulan.

I went to the wonderful hair stylist that has dealt with my free range hair for years and she said "OMG. . . . .your bangs".  I grinned and said "don't worry, I told people you did it".

Fortunately my hair grows fast.  But there's a reason people don't come to me for fashion or accessory tips.

Or advice on what to buy from Victoria's Secret.

I wanted some pajamas.  Not the standard Victoria's Secret burn and pillage outfit, just regular warm, comfy pjs.  Victoria's Secret actually had this one style of them and they're made of material that's wonderfully soft and just gets softer with each wash. I know, as I got a pair of yellow ones as a gift three  years ago and I wore them until they literally fell apart. 

So I found a pair, style wise. But no yellow. The solid colors were all on back order, so I took the only one in stock.  Polka Dot.  On the 6 foot, 100 pound model (35 pounds of which was hair and cleavage) they looked kind of cute.

Not so much in real life and a "large". (I don't remember them being that "dotty" in the catalog)

I'm not sure what came to mind first.

101 Dalmatians.

or Clowns.

Ladies are always told the right footwear makes an outfit, and men are said to like red shoes, but why can't I get THESE out of my head.

Hmmm, no.  Maybe something in a warm slipper.

But they are indeed warm and fuzzy, not a terrible way to spend a very stormy evening with ones favorite fuzzy friend who, as usual is on the "grey dog bed".