Tuesday, September 13, 2016

HBO Words - Opening Windows

Abby Lab here. Mom spent the whole day uploading a new Version of Windows.  Dad got her a laptop for personal use and blogging on the road which had Windows 8. To say she hated Windows 8 it, was an understatement.  Using it as she did to capture and sort photos for the blog was about as user friendly as the U.S. Tax Code. Her old laptop which she deaded had Windows 7 which she just loved.

The intent for Windows 8 I guess, was to meld together the desktop and mobile platforms to try for a single operating system that would work on the desktop, notebooks and tablets.  What Mom got was a system that just screamed for flaming torches and pitchforks.  The tutorial was no help at all, simply telling her to move her mouse to any corner. . and then. . WHAT? What is it supposed to do. to be? And all she could think of was.

It just leaves off right there and apparently Mom was supposed to just cognitively know that although most scroll wheels go up and down, Windows 8 wants you to scroll sideways.

Look - Mom is not high tech outside of professionally related things. When her adoption records were unsealed she found out she was related to Bill Gates.  She's not going to tell him, he'd see her flip phone and immediately get a restraining order.  Mom's just technology challenged outside of the forensic stuff she plays with and airplanes.  I mean, she has a Victrola in the living room and the first Windows wallpaper was tweaked to add a historical battle
So when she had the first problems with it she thought about taking it to the Microsoft Store. However, she figured once I got there, she would find a nice shiny glass building, with all sort s of MicroNerds inside, waving and welcome me to come in. But there would be no door.  Somehow she was supposed to know that se was to select one corner of the store, hover at least 2 inches up for 2 seconds and then a glass panel would magically open.  Being redhead and a little less than patient with such things, she decided to forgo the trip.

So she muddled through, scrolling though screen after screen of run on photos, only to find the one she wanted to add to the blog, only to have something go "zap" like Samantha of Bewitched was in the room and the next thing you knew the  picture was missing and there was a pony in the room.

Then there were the error codes:

Windows 8 Error:  Multitasking attempted.  System is confused.

Windows 8 Error:  Unexplained error.  Please explain what you did wrong.

Windows 8 Error:  This will end your Windows Session. You are now locked out.

Windows 8 Error:  Erroneous Error.  Just seeing if you are paying attention.

Windows 8 Error:  System Pricing Error. Inadequate money spent on hardware.

Windows 8 Error:   Wrong Information Specified. Where did you learn to type?

Windows 8 Error: Invalid property assignment. Promotional literature overflow.  Deleted stored documents to maintain recycle bin contents.

Windows 8 Error:  Invalid Entry. Try that again and see what happens.

Windows 8 Error:  Mouse Not Found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please left click your mouse to continue.

So fortunately, Microsoft realized they (quote)  Put a cognitive burden on the user (unquote) and gave us a new one. That's like saying your first marriage from hell was a "cognitive burden".  You are NOT just going to kiss and make up from that, you are going to view any  future relationship with a Microsoft system as something that wants to take every dollar from your wallet as it steals your soul, before it dumps you, taking most of the stuff you've kept as important.

But Miocrosoft 10 is now installed - it took a little while, so long that there were actually teaser screens telling me how much Mom would like it, so she wouldn't run screaming, followed by a screen that tells her not to turn off her computer (because she is having SO much fun staring at the blue screen when she'd rather be drinking Chardonnay.) Mom said it was much easier.

So, it's working, and for now, at least until the next click of a mouse  her pictures are easy to find and sort, nothing went missing and all is well in the world.

IMPORTANT: This blog post is intended for the use of the individual blog followers  named herein and may contain information that is of a sensitive top secret nature, or classified, or not in any way to be read by persons with no sense of humor, low pain thresholds or religious beliefs that involve aliens or large numbers of virgins (void in New Jersey). We take no responsibility for non-receipt of this blog post because you are still running Windows NT as everyone knows how well that worked out. If you read this blog post in error, even if it is your feed, forwarding or reposting is not authorized, (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes a possible breach of Al Gore Internet law or a disabling social blunder. Any sentences involving the name "Justin Bieber" were inserted in error and are to be ignored. No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog post although the neighbor that runs his leafblower at 7 am on Saturdays is on borrowed time. Be advised that there are no hidden codes or messages contained herein, however that contrail of Acme Airways Flight 102 that goes over your house at 2 PM each day is giving your neighbor the directions to the Mother Ship. Reading this blog post backwards will only give you a headache but if you listen to Abby Road backwards you will hear "Paul is Dead". So just ignore that warning box from SpySweeper. If if makes you feel better, pour a circle of salt around your chair, wave your hand over your computer and solemnly mutter "OMNI OMNI VOR" (Latin is allowed) and with that blessing, you should be safe from Malware.

12 comments:

  1. BOL - my momma hates mircosoft and windows so much.

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  2. Hari OM
    Heheheh... wish mum all the best. 8 and 8.1 were absolute dogs (no offence Abby). Don't even get me started on the b**** that is Win 10. I am working Win 7 until its fur goes mangy, or it gets rabies... and then it's over to Linux for me. Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

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  3. Grrr, Mom hates computer issues. She loves her MacBook and runs to the Apple store for help. They are just about always incredibly helpful. Dad has a PC and it is a nightmare.

    Thanks for the kind thoughts for Ciara. We just don't seem to be able to get her out of this cycle.

    Woos - Ciara and Lightning

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  4. "Classic Shell" is a worthwhile addition to make Win 8 look and act more like Win 7. To be honest, Win 10 is better than the stock Win 8, and roughly equivalent to Win 8 with Classic Shell installed.

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  5. I don't wants to jinx Ma's puter, butts she upgraded to Win10 and has had no major problems...(knocking on wood here....) there was an issue with the wifi connecting and disconnecting on it's own, which was causing Ma to use all kinds of HBO wordies that hurt my ears, butts they finally got an update and fixed it. Since then (knock on wood...) there have been very few problems. Butts Ma has a HP puter which she loves and won;t gets another brand ~ wells, unless they start goin' the way of Dells.
    Anyhu, I'm glads your Moms got her puter working (knock on wood...) and I will expect my apologie for my alien beliefs in the morning....☺
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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  6. Downloaded Windows 10 last year and the HBO words are still happening!

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  7. Mom wishes they would have stuck with Windows 7
    hugs
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel

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  8. Our pawrents never had 8 but went straight to 8.1 and then 10. They said it wasn't too bad BUTT me and Stanley did hear a lot of HBO works so we think their memories might be a little off!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  9. Abby,
    We feel your frustration.
    Took my ma 3 days to install her wireless printer. She almost threw it out the front door. lol
    XO Astro

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  10. Billy >Gates did that with purpose to fill the nut houses... the mama did the upgrade for windows 10 and since then windows became the window to hell :o(((

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  11. My ghostwriter is bravely resisting any Windows upgrade offered, even the sneaky ones.

    Oh, and good luck on your writing.

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  12. We liked Win7 too, and got sort of forced into 10. At least it's not bad, like 8, or Vista.

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Welcome to The Book of Barkley. This blog was created for more memories of Barkley as well as updates on Abby the Senior rescue Lab,who we adopted in 2014.

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