The Book of Barkley Classics - Dating Disasters

This photo of Dog the Bounty Hunter (which was not staged but a discovery one day when I got home from work) made me smile.  Since the news today is full of (surprise!)  news about the election (it's that or the Kardashians any more, which is probably why I gave my TV to AmVets) --today, just some smiles.

Blind dates from hell.  Admit it, you've had one.  In The Book of Barkleythere is a story of my personal shortest blind date, which fortunately, married happily almost 14 years, I can laugh at now.

Tonight, I think I want to laugh again, if only to myself.

 So for you, some Home on the Range Classic Dating Disclaimers.  Feel Free to add your own.

There are good dates and bad ones.  The good ones hold in close and smile. But the bad ones? The statute of limitations has run out on some of those.

Dates from Hell. We've all had one, or will. My worst was a fellow that came over for a fancy dinner I cooked, then proceeded to pull out a little hand held video game and play it for an hour, totally ignoring me on the couch next to him. I finally said "uh, what are you doing? and he said "I'm getting my child to the next level!"

He did NOT get to the next level.

When I was just a pup, one of the mechanics that worked on one of the corporate planes I flew, asked out a lady that was on the city council. She was attractive, liberal and well dressed. He liked the attractive part enough to ignore that they might not have a lot in common. They went to dinner, and did not have anything in common, so he just told her he enjoyed meeting her and they could remain friends but there wouldn't be a second date. She seemed to take that well and thanked him for the friendship.

 That night he started getting phone calls from different people with different voices, but not QUITE different, telling him what a jerk he was and how wonderful this lady was and he should see her again.  It turns out his date had multiple personalities and all of them started to stalk him. He said the one named "Oscar" creeped him out the most. He ended up moving and changing his phone number. She was probably elected to Congress.

But still, we  open ourselves up there in the dating world, which can be a wonderful adventure, or simply that giant rock rolling down the hill at you.

Love can make us do things we normally wouldn't consider. It can lead to a buddy asking a vegan to go turkey hunting, only to have the girl jump up at the first sight of a trio of young jakes yelling "Run Mr. Turkey, Run for your Life!" It made one young lady from a friends workplace, flushed with happy anticipation of her first night with her long time crush, spend $100 for a top of the line push up bra and matching panties. Love made her glad she did, disappointment made her set her new lingerie on fire. In his office. During a meeting with his biggest client.

Chasing it was more fun than catching it.

But we still get out there, we get our hearts ripped out, stomped on and set on fire and eventually we put on our brave faces and get back to living, and if we're lucky, find someone special we can laugh with, admit how horribly we screwed up the last relationship, and move on. (Raises hand).

So, for those of you new to the dating scene, stuck in it or getting back into it, here is some HOTR Dating Disclaimers.

Disclaimer: Dating is for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. All models over 18 years of age. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. No other warranty expressed or implied. No dogs or horses. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice.

Terms subject to change without notice.  Times approximate. Simulated picture. Do not attempt to put in pants.  Don't try in your living room, these are trained professionals.. Use only as directed  Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement

May contain nuts.

One size fits all. Edited for television. Keep cool, process promptly. Return to sender. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Add toner. Your canceled check is your receipt. Sanitized for your protection. Sign here without admitting guilt. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. Not actual size.

You must be present to win.

Approved for veterans. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. Reproduction strictly prohibited. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. No user serviceable parts installed.

You must be this tall to ride the ride.

No transfers issued until the ride comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. For external use only. Tumble dry on low heat. Do not spindle, fold or mutilate.

Safety goggles may be required during use.

Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Action figures sold separately. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. Substantial  penalty for early withdrawal
Slightly higher west of the Rockies. 
Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball!

Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, pestilence or projectile (including but not limited to bullets, arrows, BB's, lasers, sharks with frikin lasers, shrapnel, torpedoes rock/paper/scissors, and Alpha, Beta or Gamma rays), neglect, incorrect line voltage, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to vehicular accident or snake bite. Detonation of nuclear weapons will void this policy. Other restrictions may apply.

Lastly, for those of us who are no longer youngsters.

Contents may have settled.

Weekday Eats - A Recipe from my Canadian friends in Blogville

As we get into the colder fall weather

I dust off my "fall/winter" comfort food recipes.  When you wake up and it's in the 30's, you don't look forward to salad for dinner. 

If you are like me you probably have a collection of ground meat in the freezer, beef, veal, pork, venison. Moosellaneous? Easy to thaw and serve, but you can only do meatloaf so many times on these increasingly colder days.

How about a walk on the Canadian side. Pâté chinois is a French Canadian dish similar to English Cottage Pie, Shepherds Pie or the French hachis Parmentier.  Something I learned to cook from a family member, as, there is a Montreal branch of the Range clan through marriage. I'd posted the recipe on the sidebar, and a quick link a while back, but not all of you may have seen it.

I can also teach you some common French Canadian sayings (which I picked up with the cooking and could be useful in both cooking AND in today's election)

Va pèter dans le trèfle.
‘go fart in the clover’.

Baise-moué l’ailKiss my garlic

Il lui manque des bardeaux.
'He’s missing a few tiles'.

Reçu comme un chien dans un jeu de quilles.
'Welcome as a dog in a bowling alley.’

La rondelle ne roule pas pour lui.
'The puck isn’t going his way'.

Grosse Corvette, p’tite quéquette

‘big car, little uh. . . (euphemism here) 

Avoir mal aux cheveux
'To be so sodden with booze and hung-over on the morning after that you are having a ‘hair ache’. (so glad those days are behind me, I haven't had a drink in years).

J’ai vu neiger.

I’m not just off the boat.

Ah, but back to the intent of this post. DINNER!

Pâté chinois

I make this several times a year, especially when I have quite a bit of leftover mashed potatoes. It's a wonderful, easy meal for a chilly, overcast day.

To make from scratch:  Boil chunks of 5-6 peeled potatoes and mash with a little butter and milk Just regular mashed potatoes, make your favorite recipe but you're looking for enough to serve 4-6.

Next, chop and saute a large sweet onion  in a little olive oil until just starting to soften and caramelize. Add in a pound and a half of ground meat and three to four roasted and chopped cloves of garlic (or about 1 full Tablespoon of the jarred minced garlic) and cook. I used ground sirloin as I was out of venison. If you are using cheap cuts of beef, drain off any large amounts of extra fat.

In the last few minutes of cooking, add in 2 pinches (roughly 1/4 teaspoon) of cinnamon (yes, cinnamon), the same amount of black pepper, a dash of white pepper (if you have it), and a few shakes of salt and one small squirt of Srirachi (or Ketchup for the meek). Heat on low/medium for a few minutes as it finishes cooking. Spread the meat in a deep casserole or a pan that's 13 x 9, or the next size smaller.

Then, spread over the top of the meat, about 3 cups of corn mixed together (I used 1 cup of creamed corn and 2 of regular corn). Spread on the meat. Cover with the mashed potatoes and sprinkle generously with Smoked Hungarian Paprika. Bake at 375 F for 35-40 minutes, until bubbly.
I'm not sure how the name was coined as the French version of "Chinese pie", but one popular theory is that it was introduced to Chinese railway workers by Canadian cooks during the building of the North American railroads in the late 19th century. These cooks made it under instruction from the railway bosses (who were mostly of English descent) as a cheap and easy to make version of the popular cottage pie with the sauce in the tinned creamed-corn serving as a substitute for the gravy.

click on pictures to enlarge, if you dare.

Allegedly, The French Canadian railway workers became fond of it and brought the recipe back with them to their home communities

However the name was derived, it's good. It's often served with ketchup on the side and maybe some pickled beets and a maple cookie. Or just plain.
Either way, it's comfort on a plate.  And memories of the good kind of family, whether related by blood, marriage or simply by being a long time friend-- those people you just like and admire.

Weekend Water Dogs

Click on individual pictures to enlarge. 

Need my Reader's Help in Choosing a Book Cover

My publisher submitted 7 covers for me to review. After running them past friends and family, it's narrowed to 2 and I'm having trouble deciding. Which do you prefer? (I took the photos of the trees) 

Back cover book description:  

 In Paolo Sorrentino’s film Youth, an elderly composer observes, with bewilderment, “I’ve become old and I don’t know how I got here.”

Best-selling author, commercial airline pilot, and retired air crash investigator L.B. Johnson knows exactly how she got here. She just never expected to arrive quite so soon.

In The Serenity Chronicles, Johnson turns her attention from wreckage to reflection. A bout of septic shock and its lasting consequences forced her to reconsider not only the future she had imagined after retirement, but the very meaning of time. Rather than measure life by what remained, she chose to live more deliberately in the days she had.

Written as a series of candid, sometimes irreverent vignettes, this literary memoir wanders through subjects that initially seem wonderfully random, yet gradually reveal an unexpected coherence. Johnson considers the changing landscapes of the body, the ghosts of family history, the persistence of faith, the enduring gifts of love, and the peculiar indignities that aging so generously provides.

There is grief here, and an honest reckoning with mortality. But there is also laughter, gratitude, and the recognition that even an imperfect life can contain extraordinary beauty.

Johnson writes frankly about what aging takes away—and what it gives in return. Readers may wince in recognition, laugh at life’s absurdities, and find some part of their own journey reflected in these pages.  Because being alive is an exercise in enduring surprise.

Sometimes, serenity is not found in knowing what comes next.

Sometimes, it is found in being willing to find out.

 

Cover Number ONE

Or Number TWO

This will be my fifth book, the first four all went to #1 on the best seller lists for Amazon for fiction and non fiction.  All proceeds have gone to animal rescue and Search Dog Foundation. 

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

My husband continued his morning walk, but without Sunny.  The first week so many people asked about her and there were a lot of tears at the news.  She was much loved in our little neighborhood.

So I bought him this T shirt to wear on his walks so hopefully people will see it and smile in remembrance.  

Sunnier Days

A small box arried in the mail last week.  It was a Sunny suncatcher from Dr. Maura, the Vet that took care of her in her final hours.  She's cared for all 3 of our last rescues and has a heart bigger than the sun.  That is why Sunny loved her.

Goodbye for Now, Sunny.

Sunny left us yesterday after a short battle with a very aggressive T-Cell Lymphoma.  She had just turned 3.  We adopted her as a puppy when she was released to a shelter with bowed legs that made her "unwanted" in some's eyes.

A Vet from Indy, where Barkley got his care for years, had moved to the Chicago area as her husband got a position with a big hospital here as a doctor.   She took care of Lorelei and Abby Lab at home at the end for us and did the same for Sunny.  In a moment that reminded me that even with this pain, God's watching over me - she told me her husband's new job is at one of the biggest hospitals in Chicago, one known world-wide for it's transplant services.

He's on my Transplant team.

In Memory

Sunny D. Lab

May 11, 2023 - July 29, 2026

Words from my husband:

"Back when we hadn't had her very long, I was just getting her past the overstimulation phase so I could walk her all the way to the tracks and back.  On one of these trips, I ran across a neighbor from the next block.  He and I had spoken before when Lorelei was still happily begging for pets up and down the street.  He liked dogs; he used to have great Danes, and he had fitted his little shoebox SUV with a bulldog hood ornament from a Mack truck.  

That day he was walking with his wife.  They stopped and waited patiently for Sunny to go through the cautious sniffing phase.  After a few minutes Sunny decided they were her new best friends and was happily getting pets and doing little jumps when she wanted more attention.  The wife was particularly enthralled with Sunny and praised her, saying she loved how, "She looks you right in the eye!"  After more pets and wags we went on our way.

You wouldn't notice it from a distance, but if you watched carefully, you could tell the lady was a bit frail.  It was several months later when I saw them both again.  They were going up the steps to their bungalow and she was leaning heavily on her husband.  They apologized for not being able to stop and pet Sunny, but I told them Sunny was just happy to see her friends and she wagged and gave a little woof.

Back in the spring I bumped into the husband on the street.  He stopped me to let me know that his wife had passed.  He didn't say what the illness was, but it had been a long journey.  He said that she had her favorite comfortable chair next to the front window of the house and that she would always smile and remark when she saw Sunny on the street.  It was always a moment of happiness for her.

That's how I would like to remember Sunny the most.  The dog who always brought a smile to a neighbor's face in her dying days."

Pool Party

It's been in the upper 90's all week, unusual for Chicago most years (there are still quite a few people that don't have central ac as the median summer temp is 81)  

So time to drag out the kiddie pool.  Like her Angel Sister, Abby the Landlocked Lab, Sunny is NOT a fan of the pool except for fetching cold and wet toys out of it.  If she can do so without getting completely wet she is happy. 

National Cheese Day

Experts say "don't leave your cheese in the refrigerator, leave it out on the counter".

Holiday Play Dates