Wednesday Smiles

You Need to Take Some of that $$ You're Not Spending at the Hair Salon and Do some Fun Shopping

Brits - my favorite store of English/UK goods in Lawrence Kansas has added a BUNCH of items to their online store since their store is closed to other than curbside due to the virus. Since I wasn't spending money getting my hair highlighted I had a wonderful shopping trip of snacks and gifts. 

The box arrived only a few days after my order. I couldn't resist the Shaun the Sheep mug, the Wallace and Gromit solar toys (really, they're for the granddkids, really) and the cream scones (so good!)  I did have to wonder what "Steers Monkey Gland Sauce" was, but a dear female pilot friend of mine (who was part of my wedding party) who is married to a former LEO, now a minister from South Africa assured me that neither Monkeys or Glands were involved.  Check out her store.  This is a female-owned business and she's getting by only from online orders during the shutdown.  Great customer service - I've been shopping there for years at the recommendation of my friend Vic MD who is from Kansas and is part of a dog rescue group in Texas I've donated to.

They also have some gift cards and some high-end brand bath products that would be perfect for Mother's Day gifts (I've already purchased for my mother in law since both my Mom of 18 years and Stepmom of 30 years have passed.)

https://www.britsusa.com/

While Most of Us Are Stuck at Home - BAD Movie! No Biscuit!

Abby the Lab here.  Our house doesn't have a TV (we gave it away) - as when Mom and Dad are home they hardly ever watched it,  mostly CD's of their favorites, Star Trek, Dr. Who, Red Green, Corner Gas, Top Gear, NCIS, Castle, Firefly and those can be watched on the big screen computer monitor Mom has for work since her office is also the family room.

She watched a lot more when she had her crash pad while she worked in Indy.

Here I am on the couch looking SO excited to watch Captain Kirk again.

I have no say in the selection.  I've requested all kinds of dog movies but Mom just surfed the SCI fi channel for whatever is free.  Let me just say, we've sat through some that were REALLY bad.   You know what I'm talking about.  Some of your peeps have seen them, worse, your peeps may have PAID to see them, long ago.

Dreamcatcher (2003) - Sure, you can put Stephen King's name all over it but you lost me at parasitic butt weasel.

Slugs (1988) - Quick men!  Get the giant saltshaker!

Gingerdead Man (2005) - Gary Busey is a possessed cookie. I say again. Gary Busey is a possessed cookie.

Sex in the City Two - Mom actually turned this one off saying there was not enough white wine in the world to watch it to the end.

Robot Monster (1953) - Put a man in a gorilla suit. Put a diving helmet on his head. Watch audiences either lose interest or completely doze off. It was so boring Mystery Science Theater 3000 never took a shot at riffing it that we know of.

I fell asleep on the grey dog bed right after the Robot Monster attacked.

Aeon Flux (2005) - It's futuristic. Like Sears was in the 70's. And not in a good way. But there IS action -watch the characters posture and argue while checking out each other's clothes.

The Neverending Story - Thank you God.  It Ended.

Laserblast (1978) - Boy goes on rampage with a cereal box prize. The Submariners of the US Navy had elaborate methods to keep this  movie off  the boat where they would be stuck with it for 90 days. Why?  It's not just bad, it's Cthula Rising From the Sea bad.

American Hustle - as exciting as reading the US Tax Code

Spidermen/X-Men 3 (2007, 2006) -You know what they say about the best thing of superhero trilogies? The first two movies.

Jurrasic Park III- Watch it backwards. The dinosaurs throw up people until the pesky airplane goes away.

Battlefield Earth (2000) - Mom said she has a lot of absolutely gruesome injuries in her time but I never contemplated a shrimp fork as a lethal weapon before.

The Core (2003)- Let me put it this way: this is a science fiction movie about the end of the world that didn't bother to consult any real science. Let's all walk in 9,000 degree F. Core Fluid and survive long enough to override a compartment ejection system! No problem!

Green Lantern (2011) - Nothing says awesome super power like "lantern".

Independence Day  (1996) - Sure, the single, reciprocating engine agricultural pilots can immediately strap on a fighter plane and save the world  as surely as  Jeff Goldblum can instantly cook up a little string of alien-compatible code that when delivered is going to end with the Alien Mothership switching to Wordpress and fleeing to outer space.

Howard the Duck (1986) - Failure goes by many names.  Howard the Duck is one of them.  Fans of the comic book hated it, sci-fi lovers hated it, kids hated it. I left the room as did my friend the Aflac Duck.

Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen  (2009)-  The dog humping scene is both a discredit to dogs AND humping.

Frankenstein Island (1981) - They called them "Amazon women" because that's where they were ordering their identical leopard skin bikinis,  "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific" shampoo, makeup and rubber skulls from.

Armageddon (1998)- Shop Class saves the world! Resolute on violating every law of dramatic unity and physics, Armageddon makes The Core look like a documentary.

Twilight (2008) - I'm an Immortal, handsome, powerful and hundreds of years old.  I'm going to enroll in high school in a tiny isolated town so I can meet chicks.

Planet of the Dinosaurs (1977) - Members of what I think were the Charlie Daniels Band, crash lands on a planet where they become tasty snacks for the natives.

Gymtaka (1985) - Combine gymnastics with karate and you get a particularly bad movie, though it is almost worth it for the infamous pummel horse scene. Who knew the infrastructure of most third world countries is made up of parallel bars and a pummel horse.

Signs - actually the movie wasn't that bad but the science was, specifically the moment when the heroes discovered the invading aliens weakness after they'd already shown up at the door.  Water.

Imagine you're in that little alien landing party

Captain:  Ensign Ricky do you have the readouts.

Ensign Ricky:  Yes Captain:  71% of the planet is covered in a substance that will kill our species. As well there is 2 million cubic miles of that same substance stored within a half mile of the earth's surface, which is inhabited by animals and fauna also composed of the same substance.   Oh, and there's 3,100 cubic miles of that substance in vapor form in the atmosphere at any time, waiting to rain down upon us.  I'm thinking we should turn a. . .

Captain:(turning to the landing party with upraised arm (tentacle, whatever) in full battle cry:  "FREEDOM!!!!"

Terminator 3 (2003) - No matter how many of them you kill, another one shows up naked in a little glowing ball of energy just as you got the kids down for a nap.

The Giant Claw  (1957) - Cold War Jet Pilots and obnoxious teenyboppers are menaced by a mutated Gonzo from the Muppet Show.

Night of the Lepus  (1972) - Quick!  Release the 200 foot Elmer Fudd! Through the special effects of really bad editing, weird camera angles and tiny little houses and trains from the hobby store,  little domestic bunnies appears as giants galloping across your house and eating Aunt Daisy (actually for the attack they use a man in a rabbit suit). Deforrest Kelley's mustache was the scariest thing in this flick. Be vewwwy vewwy quiet.

And lastly:  Reservoir Dogs - It's NOT ABOUT DOGS!

I wish someone could find the remote for me so I can change the channel.

Sunday Smiles

Wordless Wednesday - Leaps of Faith

The Book of Barkley is joining Comedy Plus  (click on name for live link) for some Wordless Wednesday fun.

Happy Easter

May you all have a safe and joyous Easter Sunday. 
-The Johnson Family

Say "CHEESE"

 Mom - what are you doing in there?

 Mmmm, Mom got out the bag of cheddar cheese.  I LOVE cheese.

 Can't you see how hungry I am, it's been 30 minutes since supper, that's 5 years in dog meals.

 What do you mean I don't get any because if I eat cheese on a full stomach I Toot!

It's Dad, I tell you, Dad made those noises last night that drove you two out of the den!

Sure, blame the DOG.

I'll sit here all cold and lonely and cheeseless.

I got a little bit of cheese!  Thanks Mom - I promise I'll sit downwind tonight!

Social Distancing Reading Recommendation

With so many states on self-quarantine except for essential travel, I'm going to add a weekly book recommendation.  There will be multiple genres but all will be books suitable for most ages (nothing I wouldn't want my teenage granddaughter to read).

This was another in a highly rated series I started reading in February by a Chicago area writer with a deep grasp of the history in our area.  It's a delightful read and highly recommended!  If you like ghost stories and mystery you will love this.  I curled up with it one evening with a pot of herb tea and couldn't put it down.

Jessica Fletcher meets the Sopranos in the third book of the Cora Tozzi Historical Mystery Series.
Based on a real place with some historical persons and events.

Crime, deceit, love and the value of friendship set in the forests of Lemont, Illinois, in suburban Chicago. A woman whose family’s involvement in the Chicago Mob devastates lives throughout generations.

When an automobile accident leaves Valerie Pawlik totally blind, she masters the daily activities of a dark world, but due to painful mysteries from her childhood, she lacks the confidence to lead the independent life she desperately longs for with her young daughter. With the help of Cora and Cisco Tozzi, Frannie Berkowitz, and Billy Nokoy, Valerie sets out to search for the mother who deserted her and for the killer of her beloved uncle. But Billy is experiencing electrifying occult moments of his own. Their quest takes them into a dangerous world of the Chicago Mob and paranormal phenomena, culminating when a stalker threatens their lives in the Palos Forest Preserves.

Link to purchase at Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Mount-Forest-Island-Historical-ebook/dp/B086GNGYV8/