Thursday, September 17, 2015

Cloudy with a Chance of Spiders

It's a cold,rainy afternoon by the time I got off work, Abby Lab hiding in the closet while the little line of thunderstorms passed.   Time to get a few chores done around the house after getting more crash pad stuff unpacked. Abby will want some walking but after that some clean up as with both of us being gone much of the summer that chowed  in the cobwebs and dust bisons in some areas of the house.

But there were more pressing things  than dusting and vacuuming that came to mind. Saturday night.  As we were quietly sipping some 16 year old Glenlivit and watching Dr. Who, the smell of skunk become suddenly obvious. Abby was barking like mad but I knew better than to let her out. The smell was from the front of the house, under the porch.  Looks like Mr. Skunk has found a nice place to hang his hat.

We're not the only one having these issues with critters taking up residence around our home and yard. Our friends at

write all about it.

Now there are ways to deal with critters that take up residence under the porch, including. but not limited to, the Redneck Critter Round Up Package.
But a skunk, being as user friendly as a grenade, needs a little more stealthy plan. The east end of the basement lays against the back of the porch. so today, a a really loud radio will play there to convince Mr. Skunk he out to sleep elsewhere during the day. Let's see if I can find a station with Polka Music or Justin Beiber.

Til then, It's going to take time to get the smell out of the walk-out basement.  Time for some cross ventilation
But in getting the fan, I found that the skunk was the least of my worries.   There was a large assortment of spiders that took advantage of the absence of traffic while both of us were away and set up shop, in the shop.

I don't like to harm the  household ones that eat insects, carefully moving the Daddy Long Legs and such out of the house back into the garden.  But the large nasty ones that like the shop, one of which is the size of a Volkswagen Beetle, as well as the risk of Brown Recluses, calls for different tactics. 
I think I'm ready - -

A Pilots Guide to Spider Alert
1. Sanitize flight suit and personal possessions - Check
2. Intelligence - Not much if I'm chasing large spiders with herbal hippie oil
(a). Threats - There's mud, there's nails, there's cobwebs all over the place.
3. SAR procedures - Swatter 11 is ready!
4. Interphone and Radio discipline - No live twitter of jumping spiders
5. Threat Calls - Break Left!  Bogie 1 o'clock! Just seems to be hanging there!
6. Wounded crewmember procedures - Bactine!  Check!
7. Low-level emergencies -  Holy (*#@ one just ran out from under the TR6
8. Battle damage reporting and procedures -  Maybe the broom and the ladder wasn't the best idea
9. Use of lights - The Roar of the Pelican may be small but it doesn't have a 250 knot speed restriction
10. Emergency load jettison procedures - Frankly if one of those wolf spiders jumps on me, there will be a load jettisoned and not in a good way.
11. Bailout procedures  -RUN AWAY!  RUN AWAY!
12. Crash landing/ditching procedures and egress - Everyone to the beer cooler!
13. Ground evacuation  -  see above
14. Use of equipment: parachutes, LPU’s, survival vests, body armor - I have rum,  matches and a large roll of paper towels
15. Altered/non-standard procedures: Slowdown, Random approaches, Escape -

Hi!! Want to come over and join us for dinner? There's Brisket. 
No, no special reason.  Oh, and bring a flame thrower".

16. Chemical environment -  Why does my shop smell like a Shamrock Shake now?



  1. Hari OM
    Just hope Mr Skunk doesn't have a thing for peppermint... YAM xx

  2. Spiders are awesome tho.
    Especially the radioactive kind!

  3. Mom had to stay in the hospital once cos a tiny brown spider took a bite out of her, we thought that would make you sleep easier tonight if you knew this...................................stella rose

  4. I could send my neighbor over with his flame thrower. Heard this roar one night last week and saw him with a flame thrower trimming his evergreen bushes. Then 3 nights later he spray painted them with green paint. Looks all pretty from the street. No you can't make this type of thing up and that's not the only story.

  5. If you want to shift Mr. skunk with loud music, we suggest Korpiklaani. Nothing like a bit of folk metal to freak out stinky critters! And no one does folk metal like the Finns!

    We don't know about the peppermint. We have mint growing all over the place and the spiders don't seem to mind.

    Good luck with your extermination endeavors!


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