Thursday, January 25, 2018

The Secret Life of Dog Moms - A Scooter story

Abby Lab here telling a little "tail" about my Mom from a few short years ago.

Mom's parents were both in law enforcement (her Mom was the Deputy Sheriff) and after being a professional pilot for both civilian folks and the government for a while, Mom entered that field when she finished her PEE-H-Dee. She said she's never done anything super exciting like on TV, said she would get sent home if she dressed like some of the female agents on the telly, and the biggest danger she usually faces is the candy machine in the lunchroom. However, she is trained in the use of a firearm in case she doesn't have an electron microscope to lob at someone's head. When she was new at it, she said she'd could likely hit a target IF attacked by a finback whale. But with practice at the local conservation club and the Law Enforcement Officer range, she got better.

She's mentioned doing her proficiency shooting, when the mail came that day.  Boy did her mood change. You see, Mom got an AARP card in the mail,  with another envelope from the Scooter Store (with FREE mobility assessment).  Mom said "they think I need a scooter!  I'm only 50 (mumble mumble)! Her parents belonged to AARP and Mom said they were a fine organization but that was for OLD people.

I didn't want to be the one to remind her - but although people thinks she looks much younger, and she continued hiking, biking, and rappelling into her 50's, the theme for her high school prom was "FIRE". Just saying.
Mom did use a scooter once, in 2012 when she tore her meniscus busting a move walking Barkley fighting ninjas, after the endoscopic surgery to clear out what couldn't be fixed.

Dad. who was her boyfriend at the time, went with her and at the WalMart - she got her first try with a motorized cart. Speed wise it was a fair less than the INDY 500 and more than a snail on demoral. But Mom was not only able to do a cookie in the chicken aisle, she found that the displays in the electronic aisle made for great S patterns at top speed. She also discovered that big guys in Harley Davidson jackets with carts containing 200 bags of Tater Tots can move surprisingly fast when faced with a flaming redhead converging at top scooter speed.
She said that dealing with the crutches and the scooter was the hardest part. She  tried holding them up, but that made it hard to work the controls. She put one one out front. Jousting - WalMart Style. (if you can knock a Billy Bass out of someone's cart with it, it's bonus points). She finally gave in and let Dad carry them while she tried to burn rubber doing .02 mph watching out carefully for the Manager.

She admires anyone that can deal with using one of those on a regular basis and was so happy to give it up, working hard to get through the physical therapy.

So she was NONE too happy about the scooter advertisement and off she went to the range.
The snow melted off but boy , Mom said it was COLD.
First, a test shot from 50 feet.  I would make a comment about blind squirrels and acorns but I do want to get a treat tonight.

Then. . 
Then there's that membership card.
That's my Mom - putting the "O" in mobility.


  1. Those scooters have the battery life of a peanut. I had to use one after repairing a broken leg with a couple pins. Gathered my groceries from the local Costco and was nearly finished when the dang thing died. At the back of the store. 😩

  2. Yeah, ghostwriter got some of those things too. One company kept telling her she needed a medic alert button because she's, you know, at the age when she might fall and not be able to get up. She told them to call back in 20 years!

  3. ROFL!!!

    I got carded at the beverage store a while back. Kinda felt good, actually...


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