Things that NEVER Happen on Star Trek

Abby T. Lab here - As you know my Mom is a HUGE Star Trek fan.  She used to watch it with her big brother when she was a little kid and has watched the reruns again and again.

With a little help from her friends and the interwebs here is a compilation (tongue in cheek)

Things that NEVER Happen on Star Trek.

-The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.

-The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.

-The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

-Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.

-The Enterprise visits the Klingon homeworld on a bright, sunny day.

-The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.

-An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt if successful "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant".

-The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.

-The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.

-The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.

-Scotty walks up to the replicator and says "Coke on ice".

-An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it doesn't know the password.

-Kirk doesn't get into a fistfight.

-Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.

-A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.

-The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence that does not put them on trial.

-The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some treats.

-Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she sacrifices herself for him.

-The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.

-A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately, some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.

-Spock forgets himself and breaks into an expletive-laden stand-up comedy routine.

-The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.

-Kirk falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.

-Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash on an isolated planet.

-The warp engines start playing up a bit but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from Scotty.

-The mysterious giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.

-The transporter is actually able to lock on to someone's signal when they're in danger.

-A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.

-A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or whatever.

-The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.

-Kirk meets a woman whom he's known for years but never made out with.

-Kirk says "Uhura, I'm frightened".

-Kirk gets court-martialled for violating the Prime Directive.

-An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.

-An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.

-Some patient of McCoy's who is NOT a central character lives.

-Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics.

-The episode ends without Bones and Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke and doesn't raise his eyebrows.