Monday, December 2, 2019

Things that NEVER Happen on Star Trek

Abby T. Lab here - As you know my Mom is a HUGE Star Trek fan.  She used to watch it with her big brother when she was a little kid and has watched the reruns again and again.

With a little help from her friends and the interwebs here is a compilation (tongue in cheek)

Things that NEVER Happen on Star Trek.

-The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.

-The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
-The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

-Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.

-The Enterprise visits the Klingon homeworld on a bright, sunny day.

-The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.

-An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt if successful "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant".

-The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.

-The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.

-The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.

-Scotty walks up to the replicator and says "Coke on ice".

-An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it doesn't know the password.

-Kirk doesn't get into a fistfight.

-Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.

-A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
-The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence that does not put them on trial.

-The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some treats.

-Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she sacrifices herself for him.

-The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
-A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately, some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.

-Spock forgets himself and breaks into an expletive-laden stand-up comedy routine.

-The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.

-Kirk falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.

-Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash on an isolated planet.

-The warp engines start playing up a bit but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from Scotty.

-The mysterious giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.

-The transporter is actually able to lock on to someone's signal when they're in danger.
-A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.

-A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or whatever.

-The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.

-Kirk meets a woman whom he's known for years but never made out with.

-Kirk says "Uhura, I'm frightened".
-Kirk gets court-martialled for violating the Prime Directive.

-An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.

-An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.

-Some patient of McCoy's who is NOT a central character lives.

-Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics.

-The episode ends without Bones and Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke and doesn't raise his eyebrows.


  1. Momma says those things all happen the rest of the week when the show isn't airing. :)

  2. These are hilarious. I always suspected that new life forms were old life forms wearing funny hats.

  3. Hari OM
    BOL... Abby, I's as much a Trek-nut as your mama and I totes got all these points and had a great giggle at them!!! Hugs and wags, YAM-aunty xxx

  4. BOL LOL! Those are great! Love the last picture! I bet if the Enterprise visited WNY in the last few days, it would have quickly slid off the icy roads into a ditch!

  5. BOL. I think it happened during the commercial breaks.

  6. Heh, heh. Gotta love those kinds of episodes.

  7. Even as not a fan, Lady found those funny. She has watched more episodes then she would have liked. Her dad is a huge fan.

  8. Due to a cut in military defense spending, the Enterprise is decommissioned and refitted as a freighter. Officers and enlisted personnel with over 20 years service are encouraged to accept early retirement. Kirk retires to a planet where the economy is heavily dependent on tourism and ends his days running a parking garage to supplement his socialist-based retirement fund.

  9. Good laughs from every possibility. I suspect Q caused most of the uproar in the first place.


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