Tuesday, October 23, 2018

The Right Tool for the Job!

"Use the right tool for the job" isn't just a slogan for election time, it's a household must. -L.B. Johnson

A few minor chores will have to be done around here this upcoming weekend.  Simple chores requiring more than a screwdriver, a hammer or some Spackle, but I realized that for every household job, there is the right tool for it.

In cooking there are often substitutions made, basil for oregano, honey for sugar, applesauce for oil in brownies. Some things just don't work as well. ( I once substituted Aleppo Turkish peppers for the milder smoked Ancho and made an ex Army Ranger cry.)

Good Kitchen Substitutions

Allspice – 1 teaspoon
Mix 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon plus 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves.

Baking Powder – 1 teaspoon   1/3 tsp. baking soda plus 1/2 tsp. cream of tartar

Buttermilk – 1 cup   1 tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar plus enough regular milk to make 1 cup (let sit for 5 minutes)

Cocoa – 1/4 cup   1 ounce (square) chocolate (decrease butter/oil in recipe by 1/2 Tablespoon)

Condensed Milk – 1 cup    Heat 1/3 cup of evaporated milk, 3/4 cup of sugar, and 2 tablespoons of butter until dissolved.

Cornstarch (for thickening) – 1 tablespoon   2 tablespoons of flour (cook at least 3 minutes longer to thicken)

Egg – 1 whole egg   1/4 cup of egg beaters or
2 tablespoons of regular mayo (for baking batters only)

Good and Not so Good Romance Substitutions

Romantic Dinner for Two:

Good: Beef tenderloin, roast asparagus, salad and a martini
Not Good: Hot dog with 3 alarm chili sauce and a can of Squirt

Getting ready - Undergarments for off the shoulder dress:

Good: Strapless bra
Not Good: Duct tape

Getting Ready - Cuff Links:

Good: Gold Tie Pins
Not Good: Small bone shaped dog biscuits

Men's Evening Wear:

Good: Long sleeve dress shirt, bowtie
Not Good: Underoos and a cape

Women's Evening Wear:

Good: Something in velvet or silk
Not Good: It requires a key

Why yes, I'd love a back rub:

Good: Warmed Massage Oil
Not Good: WD40

Village Safety:

Good: A Police Officer
Not Good: Slingshot loaded with angry hamster

In the kitchen

Dishwasher Spot-Free Rinse Agent:

Good: White Vinegar
Not Good: Fluoroantimonic Acid

Baked on Oven Grime:

Good: Baking Soda
Not Good: C4

Pets in the Home:

Good: Dogs and Cats
Not Good:  Bison

Repairing Glasses:

Good: Needle Nosed Pliers
Not Good: Pipe Wrench

Getting at a Roof Repair:

Good: Hardwood Ladder
Not Good: Hardwood Tree

Receding Hairline:

Good: A good haircut
Not Good: Toupee made of beaver pelt

Repair of Circuit Board:

Good: Soldering Iron
Not Good: Arc Welder

Removing Wallpaper:

Good: A bottle to spray on a mist of warm water and a scraper
Not Good: Propane Torch

Bad Breath:

Good: Chew a Sprig of Fresh Parsley
Not Good: Chewing Tobacco

Relatives giving you a headache:

Good: Advil
Not Good: Anvil

Kitchen Fixture Removal:

Good: Crowbar
Not Good: C4

Front Porch Wasp Nest:

Good: 4 T. of Dawn dish soap per cup of water sprayed 10-20 feet away
Not Good: HK G3 / HK91 . 308 machine gun

Cutting a 2 x 4:

Good: Bench Vice
Not Good: Your knees

Small dent (not hole) in drywall:

Good: Joint compound
Not Good: Bowling ball

Property Line Dispute:

Good: Surveyor results and a homemade pecan bourbon pie
Not Good: Dog Poop


  1. Ha Ha - those are great. Made us laugh at quite a few. The cooking ones are quite helpful to Mom:)

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

  2. Wait ... you're saying "no" to duct tape? Hmm.
    I love the list! I actually just saw the plumber leave our bathroom (undergoing a remodel since July) with a saw in his hand. Given that all he was supposed to be doing was installing the new faucets ... yeah. On the "not good" list.

  3. The duct tape reminded me of a stick on bra I had once - that I was allergic to and couldn't get off. Never again!


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