Me (to husband)- "Since you have the day off how about I make us some pancakes!"
Mix, pour, burn
Husband - "You put the ones that folded spindled and mutilated on MY plate. Is that like the leper colony plate?
(English accent) "oh, Jeeves find some poor orphan to give this to."
Me: "Really Abby - no bacon - go back and eat your kibble."