A Guest Post From Abby's Grandpa

Abby Lab here.

The picture above is my Grandpa, who turned 90 a few months after this photo was taken with Barkley.  Before you think that Barkley was Giganto dog, my grandpa, a former golden glove boxer is fairly small of build.. He's 95 now, still living on his own with a full time nurse during the day that Mom gets for him to help him with things between her visits.  When he had hair it was red, so like my Mom, he can be a bit stubborn and doesn't want to leave the house he's lived 70 years in and the West to live with my Mom in Chicago after her Mom and Stepmom and Brother passed away.

Born in Helena MT, my Grandpa went off to serve in WWII as a Captain out of the U of Montana. He came back to Montana, married his high school sweetheart and settled in. He adopted Mom and the one that became her redheaded brother when his friends were having grandchildren. He drove and played golf weekly until he turned 93.Even though he and his wife moved to Oregon, and later Washington after the war, he still considers himself a native Montanan, even after all the folks from Hollywood moved up there and built houses the size of Vermont. When Mom's Mom passed away, he married a widow from Montana and they'd still visit from their home in Washington.

When my Mom mentioned being really busy this month with her new job he offered to write a post, and she got this carefully typed on a typewriter older than she is.

Moving to Montana

September 14, 2010 - Moved to our new home up north in Montana. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with a covering of snow. God’s country. I love it here.

October 14 - Montana is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shares of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful mountains and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

November 11 - Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such elegant creatures. The very symbols of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

December 1 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony. I love Montana.

December 12 - More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick again (the little rascal) A winter wonderland. I love it here.

December 19 - More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I’m exhausted from shoveling. I need a snow plow.

December 22 - “White Christmas” my busted butt. More of that friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a *(#&@ who drives the snow plow, I swear I’ll castrate the moron. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt to melt the (#)@& ice,

December 28 - More white crap last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out of the driveway after “Osama Bin Snowplow” comes by every time. Can’t go anywhere; car’s buried in a mountain of white. The weather man says to expect another 10 inches of this *(#* tonight. Do you know how many shovelfuls of snow that is?

January 1 - Happy (#)@  New Year, The weatherman was wrong (again). We got 31 inches of the white crap this time. At this rate it won’t melt until July 4th. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the dumbass driver had the balls to come to the door to borrow my shovel. I told him I’d broken six shovels already from shoveling the crap he’s pushed into my driveway. I broke the last one over his head.

January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. I went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damn deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the little bastard. Did $4000 damage to the car. Those ()#*@ beasts are a menace.

March 8 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from the *(#*@ ice they keep dumping g all over the road? Car looks like a piece of *(#(.

June 1 - Packed up and moved to Arizona. I can’t imagine anyone in their friggin right mind would ever want to live in that God-forsaken state of Montana

- Love, Grandpa

Wordless Wednesday - When Squeaks turn into ZZZZZZ's

Shirley you know. . . .

Blogville Mayorz

• Murphy and Stanley

have declared this week:  "Everything knows Shirley" so we can have an opportunity to introduce our friends to friends they haven't met yet!

I have so many new friends in Blogville since Mom adopted me as a rescue dog in 2014 so it's hard to pick from so many.

Well - I can't forget my fella Frankie Furter at

• Frankie Furter and Ernest

He's just pawsome, as are his paw-rents  and his cousin.

• Sarge

We have so much fun talking and laughing in Blogville and at home.

I think almost all of you know those friends, but here are some you may not have met and will be SO happy you did.

First -  there are cousins that each have a blog  (no don't start singing that "identical cousin" them song from the Patty Duke show that Mom remembers when she was little or EVERYONE will know how old she is).

• Bell Fur Zoo

and

• The Adventures of Higgins

They have the most colorful, entertaining blogs and even though each of them has lost a dear four legged member of their families very recently they still take the time to share and care for others.

And lastly - our newly discovered friend

• Bouncing Bertie

Bertie lives clear across the big pond and is a math and science whiz who makes my Mom laugh SO hard.  We LOVES Bertie's science post collection. My Pee H. Dee Science Mom is weird, she has a collection of antique slide rules on the shelf with her bones (and don't get me started on why Mom won't let me play with her bone collection).

So stop in and say hi to old friends and make some new ones.  Thanks again to the Mayor Doodz for this great event.

Abby T. Lab

Belated Birfday Surprise!

 What's that Mom - I got a package in the mail!  It's a birthday card and pressie!

 I didn't even know what a birthday WAS before this week, and now I got a surprise?

 Look it's from Frankie Furter and Ernie and their Mom and Dad!  They remembered!

It's a stuffie animal ball!

 Dad has to cut the tag off of it before I can play with it.

 The squeakers in the tail!  The squeakers in the tail! 

Thank you 

• Frankie Furter and Ernest

And thanks to our Sunday black and white blog hop hosts.  We're so happy to hear the mass taken off of Sugar's spleen was benign.  We hope you feel better Sugar!

Sorry Charlie - the Cat's Getting the Tuna

I've never really owned a cat - always being a dog lover (and my Dad was highly allergic).  I've cared for some for friends, sometimes for months while they were overseas, and I've had strays I've found, cared for, and then found good homes for, as at the time, I had a lifestyle that didn't allow for any pets. Abby isn't afraid of cats - but she's happier as the center of our attention, given her background of neglect.

But I have a soft spot for all animals.

Today, while my husband and I were playing backgammon, thankful Chicago has seen only some single digits this month and not had a lot of snow,  I heard a plaintive meow from outside.  My best friend has 7 cats (all dumped out in the country where she has land) and I know that sound. That's a "I'm scared, lonely, or hungry" sound.  I went out and saw a medium grey cat.  My husband came out and said he'd seen him around before, sometimes hiding under a thick shrub that offers some cover when it's raining or snowing. I'd also seen cat prints out by a brush pile by the shop where I know there are mice and chipmunks.

He didn't look malnourished at all, his coat  clean and in good condition, but he sounded hungry and he'd not been fixed, nor was he wearing a collar.

He retreated back under the shrub when I came out and I got a can of albacore tuna, opening it with the opener that doesn't leave sharp edges, and put it out near where he was hiding.

A half hour later, he came out to feast.

I quietly walked out, talking to him as he ate.  He came over and leaned up against me, obviously used to humans.  I didn't pet him as I didn't know how he'd react and didn't want to risk a bite out of simply fear from an animal whose vaccination status was unknown.  But I talked softly to him, and he want back to eating, coming back a second time to lean in against me, licking his chops, probably not having good albacore tuna before.

He might just be a pet that's an "indoor/outdoor" cat, forgotten perhaps for a meal today while his family was late getting home with the weather and will find his way home later, He didn't finish off the can, so he's not starving, perhaps just a little cold and hungry. If he stays, and appears to be not getting adequate food elsewhere, we'll make sure he's fed and has a warm place to sleep in the shop, and some vet care, until we can find him a permanent home. If he's a neighbor's cat, looking for some attention - we'll welcome the visits - even if it costs us a can of the good tuna or two.

Vetting the Vet

I won't name the specific outfit or the city,because although I had a bad experience at this location, other locations might be great.  But if there are any Vets in the reader group - a little lesson on how to lose a patient in a little post about getting a new Vet for Abby in my new locaiton ( her previous vet was in the city where I lived before I got married.)   The place I went to first is a chain (you know, like IckDonalds) and I'll just refer to them as "IckHospital"

First Visit - The place was fairly close to home and I appreciated the big parking lot as the truck is difficult to maneuver, one of the main reasons I selected them for appointments starting in the Fall/Winter. Plus they advertised themselves as a "hospital" not just a veterinary clinic, something I found invaluable when we had Barkley and he took ill.

I arrive with a printed coupon provided on their website for a free exam.  I get charged for the exam anyway.  Scheduled a nail trim (groomer on-premises) in addition to a wellness check.  Nails not trimmed. Her shots were due in a few weeks - told to wait and bring her back in, rather than do them early (second exam fee)

Mom won't let me on the couch if my nails are too long and sharp.

Last visit - scheduled to look at a scab at the edge of her ear that was bothering her and that didn't seem to be from any obvious wound and showed up suddenly. It was loosening a bit but was causing her some discomfort. As my husband and I are waiting in the exam room, a lady in a T shirt and jeans comes in, not the vet that's on their website, no doctor's smock or jacket, no ID, doesn't introduce herself other than "well I guess I'm the one that gets to look at you". She asks which ear it is, then roughly picks off the scab, to Abby's unpleasant surprise, and simply says "it's a bump", offering NO explanation as to what it actually WAS under the scab.   (I can see it's a bump, and could have paid someone off the street to tell me that). She just says "keep an eye on it for a few weeks" and moves to leave the room, apparently having the attention span of a goldfish.

I say (politely) - "if we don't know what it is, I'd like it removed ."  (Having lost Barkley to a sudden cancer, I'm acting on the side of caution.)

I am told "we don't do that here. " Apparently, although they list themselves as a "hospital" they don't have anyone trained in even a minor surgery on staff.   I was told I could go to another of their locations that has a surgeon. It's almost an hour away in traffic each way. They offer another office that's slightly closer, but say the person there isn't a specialist and may not be able to treat her either but I'll have to make an appointment to find out.

Seriously?

I'll also need a separate appointment for blood work.

I ask "Why can't you do the blood work here since you are 10 minutes from my house and you're the same business, you can just send them the results?"

I'm told, "we may not know what kind of blood work they need" (hello - it's a sister office, could you perhaps just call and ask).

I'm given a brochure and a phone number to call to set up what I need.  I do not.

I am charged for my exam of "the bump" and sent on my way. I may have burned gravel in their empty parking lot.

But Mom - what about my ear?

Next Day - new Vet. With her records in hand, I take her to the place Barkley went to when he had an ear infection issue while visiting my then-fiance and they were great. So I just parked on a side street and walked her over.

Fees were explained and we were promptly seated in an exam room.  A young man, dressed as you would expect a vet to dress, walked in.  After introductions and some general questions about Abby, the Doc looked at it and said "it looks like a Histiocytoma. They are usually benign but I can do a needle aspiration and look at the cells under the microscope while you wait. It won't hurt."

He leaves -I hear much giggling and laughing and a happy woof as Abby gets petted and fussed over by all the techs so she's at ease when she gets a little poke with the needle. A few minutes later, the doctor comes in with a happy Abby, explains what he did and saw and says that the cells look normal, and that type of growth should regress within 3 months as they normally do.   If it doesn't, it can be removed onsite, but it likely will just go away. He prescribed an ointment which he said would speed up that regression process while soothing the ear. When the front desk gave it to me they explained how to use it and how to store it. I made sure I thanked them for getting her in on less than 24 hours' notice as well.

Needless to say - we have a new vet and a happy dog who has a less itchy ear.

Sunday Black and White - Caution for Homeowners

As temps reach  a high of 6 today in the Chicagoland area and elsewhere, be sure and make sure your thermostat isn't set TOO high so the dog doesn't melt.

Thanks to our hosts Nola and Sugar for the Blog Hop and a big hug for Sugar as she recovers from surgery

Canine Home Improvement

I got home from work Friday - I saw that the Dog Walker had been by at lunch but Abby didn't come to the door to greet me which was unusual.

As I walked in the dining room, I spot this piece of wood on the floor  ???

It looks like the new trim from the kitchen, put up after the new tile went in and before the new cabinets go in and walls are prepped and painted. 

Yup. But How?  And Why? Abby's NOT a chewer nor does she play with sticks or other hard toys, just her stuffies.

There - in the crack between the cabinet that's coming out and wall was a stray treat. Dad  can snag that and throw it away.

She must have tried to fetch it with her paw, catching the edge of the newly installed trim and it popped right off, breaking as it did so.

Abby?

No - some other dog did that.

But seriously Mom, you've been way stingy with the treats.

I worship at the portable treat alter, and there were NONE.  Just some protein powder made out of ground up yard gnomes and honey.

Someone put them up where I can't grab the whole bag.

I was FORCED to scrounge for a stale dust bunny-infused treat.

OK Abby You're forgiven, Dad can make a new piece of trim later, we're going to the store now.

Honey - while we're gone - let's put the chain saw up as well, OK?

Beggin Boys (and Girls)

You know Abby Lab - it's REALLY hard to enjoy this blueberry muffin and tea that Mom made when you're giving me the Oliver Twist "please Sir.,  I want some more ?" look.
 - Dad

A Blogville Murder Mystery - Dial "S" for Snow Freak

Quick Maam - Forensic Dog will hold the deaded pose while you draw the chalk outline. 

  First there was an invasion of snow freaks at

• Frankie Furter and Ernest
that spread to all of Blogville during the holidays - 

followed by some scary looking mailings linking Frankie and Ernie's family to the snow freak clan.

It was only a matter of time before someone took the law in their own hands.

Nothing to see here folks - move along.

The local paw-lice called in my Mom's  favorite TV Forensic Scientist and Federal Agent.  Dr. TupperWare Lemon, also known as  "Twigs" accompanied by her handsome lawman  counterpart "Feeley Tooth" to sort through the remains.

Twigs: Based on  my forensic review of the surculus and ramulus, I'd say the snow freak was likely born this year.

Agent Tooth:  Twigs, you're Brilliant.  Wait - is that dog hair?

Yes around the scene was the footprints of many dogs,  all over, as if they'd run free around the scene.

Our crime investigators left - for with that - they had no leads.

So Blogville - what happened here ?  There's no Cheerios at the scene so it's NOT a cereal killer. The weapon appears to be obvious, but is it?  Is the snow freak left or right limbed?

Could the weapon have been planted?  Or was it simply an (not so tragic if you hate snow freaks) accident?

Let us know what you think - until then, the Blogville Pawlice department has taken over this investigation and is hot on the trail of clues.

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

Internet Spam Haiku - by LBJ

You too can make two

hundred dollars an hour

writing poetry

SPAM - like leading a horse to water.  Or not.

I've seen it all, even without accepting anonymous comments. There's some that is just a positive but totally generic comment followed by a link to their business site or blog that's trying to sell you something.  Then, on a post that was tied into something 100% pet related I get this:

"And sees simply no results odds are they don't learn your suitable strategy to exercise people can't only jump into here are usually three classic exercises to try whether you would want to bulk up."

Followed by what appeared to be a link to a fitness site.  DELETE. Not only am I not interested, I don't do business with people that can't form a complete sentence.

Like this dog - SO not impressed.

But there is always the obvious SPAM that IS funny. There are usually the ones that also seem to be written by someone whose first language is NOT English.

It's not just the blog. There's the SPAM that comes via "thank you gmail!" Letting me know there's a source  for everything I could ever want to know on the "craps workbench (verb or noun?), ascent tampon, gopher debilitator, or products from the Spiderman Pharmacy.  Then of course there are the letters from folks with long legal titles in mangled English that begin with a narrative informing me of the giant foreign lottery I won that I don't remember entering, or the arrangement to cash a big check for someone overseas in exchange for a fee so big I could buy my own island  -

"I humbly request your ass. . ."

Then there are the ones that just make you tilt your head like the RCA dog. Huh?

"Observe up the monumental hunk of process, I show handful points on this internet site also I deem that your net scene is rattling stimulating furthermore has places of splendid news.”

"Monumental hunk of process?" Apparently a Six Sigma guy on crack selling the "Western Wedding Dress"  (Annie Oakley gets her man?)

The Johnson Household Crown Roast of SPAM

Of course,  there are the  the more mundane ones, simply a sensible sounding comment  that makes sense but is so generic that it might not have any bearing on the actual post, but then again, it could.  "I wonder who sent it ? There's no link, just a blogger name, this must be someone I know" (click on the blogger name) -  "Act Now, get The Ronco Weasel Encabulator!"

Always filling up my SPAM folder are those creepy ads for pharmaceutical products for men that would make a South St. Louis crack dealer blush. I will not repeat here as this is a family friendly blog.

Then there's the ones that are pure gibberish.  Written by a computer or simply someone reading the thesaurus after smoking the Happy Poppy.

Most people believe that a satellite falls in love with a loyal tape recorder, but they need to remember how ostensibly a load bearing burglar wakes up.  

If you want to have real fun, reply to one of those SPAM's from foreign women named Natasha or Anna the hot chick who saw you at the grocery who want to throw their bodies at you if you'd just send them air fare-- with your own auto generated reply.

Dear Darling Natasha.   

ANY sandwich can accurately sanitize an imaginary deficit, but it takes a real fruit cake to avoid contact with the steam engine.  The cab drive for an industrial complex ostensibly is a big fan of a grain  of sand.  Now and then a asteroid near a paper napkin pees on the boiled warranty.

Remember darling, when you see the ski lodge it means the tattered customer went to sleep.
Yours
LB

But this latest one, from a country where the currency exchange is likely  based on the current value of a camel, did make me laugh after one long and stressful week.  Maybe because he called me "dude" before trying to sell me dental equipment likely leftover from the last Soviet invasion, (the last three words being a direct link which I did NOT click on.)

"thanx dude i am really ur post tooth extracting forceps"

And finally - my favorite of those one liners .

THIS MASSAGE IS FROM HOMELAND SECURITY.  (Secret Service-- I might have bought it .  . .)

So, what were YOUR worst SPAM comments?

Sheep Thrills

When Mr. Baa Baa Black Sheep goes missing and there's dog hair on the quilt, you know there's been a stuffie napping.

I'm not sure where he ended up. I'm waiting for the note requesting a 10 pound roast in a brown paper bag and no calling the cops.

Before Your Hair needs it's own Furminator - Some Products that my Peeps Love

Do you know what's in the skin care, hair care and makeup that humans use?  Neither did I and it's kind of scary.

Check out

• Mom's Healthy Eating Blog

to see what things you DON'T want to use as well as some recommendations for products she loves (I can't attest to their effectiveness because I think Mom is beautiful even in her Chuck E Cheese furry grey bathrobe with her hair looking like she was attacked by a raccoon.)

But she sure smells good.

Abby Lab

Do You Have O.D.D.?

From the kind folks at PawPack and seen on Facebook. Yes, I do believe we have O.D.D.  I hope everyone had a glorious New Years Day hanging out with your pets.

LB and Family